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| Tonight, I feel the desire to write. It's been awhile. Most likely everyone who used to read my words have long since moved on. So really there's no point. Except for my need to write. To say something. To speak into the air.
Tonight was hard.
There were plans. They fell through. So all of a sudden, I was free. A good thing. In a part of the city that is new to me. A part of the city that has much to explore. Random streets in the midst of old residential sections with once off shops and restaurants and wine bars and cafes. Perfect. The night had opened before me, I was free. Free to go to that little Italian trattoria I'd been wanting to visit. Free to go to the small wine shop someone had told me about the day before, the one with the cheese shop as a neighbour. As I sat in the car protected from the lashing rain (loved that bit, added drama) considering all the options, the thought came to me... who can I phone? Who will come play with me? Who will wander through the rain looking for the perfect intimate venue to dry off in and share a glass of wine? Who?
Tonight was hard.
The tears came. Not at first. I let go of the question and set out to discover. I like doing things on my own. I used to take the train into Dublin and have whole days to myself wandering the city. Loved that! But I was extra tired tonight and didn't feel like walking alone in the rain and braving the new shops and having conversations with strangers. I longed for a friend. Someone comfortable. Known. So as I left the trattoria, filled with groups of people talking and sharing glasses of wine, it was into that longing, that the ache arrived. It came rushing over me, like the rain. It is a familiar ache, yet hasn't visited this deeply for quite some time. And so I let the tears come. There were many.
I drove home with the rain and tears. And spoke my pain to Him who understands. Asking Him to be tender to that part of my heart that is raw. That still aches. That misses my dear friends deeply. And asking Him to provide. A friend. Here, in this new place. No rush really. I know the growing of someone comfortable and known takes time. There is no way around that. And yet I also know that to not ask would be silly. Pointless. Who else truly understands my tears, other than those whom I miss? He gets me. He made me. He loves me.
Tonight was hard.
The ache lingers softly, even after the tears have dried. It really is rather simple, after all my tears and words. I am hugely thankful for being loved and known.
Tonight I just deeply miss your presence. That's all.
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| Wanting to say more than just my status. Missing the intimacy of xanga. Way too many people on facebook. Intimacy is probably the wrong word, but there seemed to be just a few of us and now, on that other site, there is a mass.
I think I'm just longing for the heart. Missing the depth of face to face with those I love. Don't have time right now to add any extra thoughts, just felt the need to type more than a status.
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| Hi friend, it's me. We're moving. Early morning Wednesday we leave.
One more day to finish packing. Phil was here helping us load all the
big stuff today. Always good to see him. How are you? I'm
being robotic. I can tell even in my typing. One thought, then
another. No emotion. Function. Move forward. Pack the next box.
Eat some chocolate. Oh friend. It's weird. We're moving... again. And not to
Ireland. And that makes me sad. Even though I know it's good and right that we are on this side. I've just been thinking about you,
so wanted to say hello before we go. We won't have internet initally,
but I'll have my mobile with the same number. I stayed in bed with God this
morning. Woke up with the need to simply stop moving and be with Him for a bit. Haven't just sat with Him for
a while, you know? Too busy. ha... Not too busy really,
just moving. Physically. And tired. Physically. And emotionally and
mentally. And coping in old ways a bit. But seeing it too. Right now just
getting through. A moment at a time. How are you???? How is your heart? Do you know? Miss
you. But that's normal. Thanks for listening. i love you. me | | |
| ...but very soon, going there. We're on the move again! And hopefully once we get a bit settled and have internet access, maybe the blog will start up again? Anyway, just thought I'd post evidence of the actual moving. These boxes were packed in Ireland, then shipped across the sea in a container, stored in a storage unit in California for the year, and now loaded up on a Budget moving truck and driven to the new home in Colorado. And then we will get to open them! I can't even remember what all is in them...
The actual truck in the photo was driven out a month or so ago. We'll drive a smaller one out with the rest of our belongings, and all of us, in a little over three weeks time. Thought you might enjoy seeing how tall the 13 year old is. Taller than me, he is! And the bench on the ground? My dad built that for us when we lived in Portland, Oregon while they were there visiting... waiting for Ryan to be born. I have an old picture of prego me and my dad sitting on that very bench. And now it's resting in our back garden in Colorado. Life never stays still for long, yes?
We have tons of space in this new house. Come visit us!!!! Cead Mile Failte... always.
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| I want to write something today, but I can't find the words. So I'll just say a few. I took my mom to the airport this morning.
Much joy and many tears. God is good. Above and beyond...
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